CozyNet Blog

Journal (2026-08-21)

Publish Date: 2026-08-21

This is just a journal post of random things going on, and also a good excuse to try out my snazzy new RSS feed generator! I'm sure there's some improvements that could be made to it, but in the meantime I won't know until I try it out under different situations.

As I was documenting it to my notes on how it works, a thought occurred to me as I was looking over the list of documented utilities that I've made for the site. I've essentially made my own content management system here, which has a number of nice features that I think sets it apart.

It's not an everything CMS, but a self hosted blog only CMS, making it rather lean, simple and purpose built. It's also console only, so no WYSIWYG editors or graphical interfaces and control panels; but despite that, slowly it's come to a point to where it could actually be used by other people rather than just myself. It would need some reworking in the PHP template department for sure, but so long you have a clear and working knowledge of HTML and CSS, it's really quite nice to be able to edit the source templates to build out your own blog page.

I don't think I'll ever release it though because I don't want to have to maintain a project, but who knows, maybe one day maybe not. I just thought it was an interesting realization worth mentioning because building a CMS wasn't exactly on my to-do list.

Change of subject now!

I've been making a change to uh... I guess life style? I'm not sure what you would call it, but basically it's a change to how I think about things, or to be more precise, a change on how I ruminate on things.

I don't think ruminating is all bad, but it can quickly devolve if left unchecked into an obsessive compulsion, especially if you're an OCD type which I believe is what I've been doing for quite some time now. It was less noticeable to me before because I had a lot of distractions to keep me preoccupied, such as my computer and internet activities. It didn't bother me as much back then, but I don't have those distractions to run to anymore and recently I've found myself worrywarting over silly things that I was blowing way out of proportion. I don't want to go into needless detail since I find it personal, but basically it boils down to insecurity.

If you live in isolation, you'll never really know what problems you have and will think it's just a normal part of life when actually none of this was how anything was ever meant to be. You don't know what you don't know until you're around other people, and then your dysfunctions become glaringly obvious. The lie I believe that's all too easy to fall into is that it's just "being who you are," as if the dysfunction is something to identify with rather than break away from. Once it's totally revealed, you can break away from it.

And this is what I've been doing these past two weeks. The hump I've been getting over is an ingrained habit, which is to instantly fall back into ruminating on insignificant details or events that I feel like didn't quite go right or perhaps where I fell short in and didn't do enough. The root of it for myself comes from apprehension and insecurity because I've not had anyone to bounce off of or confide in personally for assurance or reassurance. A little assurance can go a long way, but without it, that doesn't necessarily mean I aught to devolve into worrying over everything to the point of dysfunction because it always turns into chasing after the illusion of total control and the control of outcomes. When it inevitably falls apart, it can send me into a ruminating feedback loop that just causes anxiety and despair. Also, it reveals that I'm lacking in relationship. Being an independent sort mostly out of unfortunate necessity, I've never put much focus into relationship before which no doubt has its consequences.

So to acknowledge a few things, I can't control everything and shouldn't bother myself to think that I can. I can't change history so there's no point in "what if" scenarios. I also can't predict the future, so there's no point in trying to change (control) it either. There's no sense in worrying over things that have happened nor things that will happen because worrying produces nothing short of anxiety.

I feel like this is a new level of letting go, and not from an apathetic sense, but in an improving kind of way that can set one free. Since I can see it now, the ingrained habit to fall back into rumination can be fought against! I feel like this has only been possible with a good conscience whereas before I didn't have the confidence nor the energy because my conscience was dulled. It was more or less a way of life and the way things were rather than a lie I was telling myself.

If I begin to sense that something is trying to tear me down in a negative way, whether that be my own thoughts or someone else to a point of destruction and dysfunction, I can readily say that it's of the devil and the option is always there to not entertain his lies or his liars rent free. Why should I listen to condemnation coming from the condemned? There's a whole world out there so I'm not hanging around these prison walls anymore.

Thanks for reading my blog!